don't want a career
I've worked hard to get where I am in my career. I've been with my current employers for the last 8 years and in that time I've gone from doing the basics to managing a team of 3.
I made no secret of that fact I wanted to progress and I was willing to put in the time and effort to get ahead, but looking back, I can't help but feel a sense of wasted time and energy. Not because of the place, the people or even the job itself.
I think it's down to fulfilment.
I'm unsure how fulfilled I now feel in my role and I seem to have lost motivation and passion for the design industry as a whole, which makes it more difficult given a lot of my job is design related.
I know they say that a company's culture is how the staff feel on a Sunday night, but I don't think that's quite right. How you feel on a Sunday night is entirely dependant on a number of things, not just the culture of your place of work.
Currently, I have no issues on a Sunday night, but I feel no passion, no energy and no excitement for what I'm doing.
I don't want it to seem as though I'm ungrateful for what I'm doing either, I'm aware I could be in a much worse position and the truth is that my employer is good. It's not them, it's me I suppose you could say.
The other issue I have is that I have no idea how to escape from it, I have no idea where I'd like to go, what I'd like to do and in honesty, I think that's the more frustrating thing for me at the moment.
I take freelance projects on the side and even those are feeling like a massive drag on my energy.
I know this may be a phase or it may be something that I'm going to have to sit down and truly think about, either way... Something will inevitably change, or break.
Let's see which is first; me or the job.